I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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