I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
