I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You did what with his pubic hair?
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