Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
