did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
