i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize