Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
