last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
