i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
