um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize