he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
