awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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