Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
