Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
