Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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