Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
