If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
