also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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