there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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