pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
