so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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