Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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