I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
