i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Randomize
