Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
