I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
