I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
