And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
