When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i will never coherently bang her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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