oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
