Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
