I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
