I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
