Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
