The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
