I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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