So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
