I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
