oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
