All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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