I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize