I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
