you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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