# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
