I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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