I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
