I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
