I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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