all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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