so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
