My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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