the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
