honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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