I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize