jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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