oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
