I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
