Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
