WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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