she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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