so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
