I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
