im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
