Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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