you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
