My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I died a long time ago.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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