My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
