Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm really busy with my period
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