Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
