im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
