peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
