It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
