There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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