Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
