Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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