I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
