I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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