The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
