I heard we made out
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
