I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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