What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize