Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
