i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
