hotel room ftw
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
pray to the hookup gods
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
