I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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