I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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