You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We just shotgunned beers for America
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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