"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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