His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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