don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
