winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
