no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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