i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize