3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
