They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When are your genitals available?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
