did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this boner is exhausting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
