Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
