does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i barfeds in our rink
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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