i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
