Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
