lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
