How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
