Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
