I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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