tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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