Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize