I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
