we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
