can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
