So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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