The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
