when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
